So I was sitting in my Philosophy lecture today, which is a class I normally like, but today found deadly boring (I've been disinterested in pretty much everything this week, so I've legally changed my name to Andy the Corpse of Corpse St).
So I was spending my time doodling various animals and shapes, when I looked to the bottom front of the lecture hall (I was up in the high seats in the back) and saw this girl sitting at a desk away from the regular seats, slumped in her chair and also looking bored. The professor walked by and asked her to sit up straighter and at least look interested during the lecture. I paid this no attention, so I continued to zone out.
It wasn't until the last 10 minutes of class that I noticed, as she was sitting up straighter, that she was missing most of her right arm; it looked severed a little above the elbow. I wondered whether the e-mail I received about a note-taker for a disabled student had applied to her. Then I looked at her face and noticed that she was very pretty. I wondered whether it was difficult for her to get close to people because of her disability and whether she had ever been intimate with anyone. She was naturally pretty, but her missing arm would probably always be a factor to got in the way. And I wondered if I myself could date and become romantically involved with a woman that had only one arm. I'd like to think that I'm opened minded and looks certainly aren't everything, but I wasn't sure I could do it. As much as I'd try to make it a non-issue and focus purely on the person for who they were, I feel like the missing arm would always be looming in the back of my head, and I feel like most people would agree with me. So as I thought of this, I felt sort of sad for that pretty girl sitting up front in the class, even though I really didn't know her at all and had no idea whether she was a sad or happy person.
Anyway, the class ended and she exited quickly from the front door. I packed my stuff together and left through the back door. I walked down the hallway and down the stairs to the front entrance of the building, which met up with the students that had left from the front door. And just outside the entrance, I saw the girl, except that she actually HAD two arms, and her pink jacket she was holding in her right arm perfectly matched her pink shirt, making her arm "dissapear" underneath it.
Needless to say, I had pondered something interesting and melancholy out of something completely normal because I lack basic skills to see shit properly.
My life is bland.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Yoz, We'ze goin' to College
I'm not talking about a REAL college assholes, I'm talking about the movie, College, which tanked at the box office (along with Disaster Movie, which makes me very excited for a future where another movie movie isn't coming out by those douches Friedburg and Seltzer; here's hoping they also inexplicably die).
I first got excited about College when I saw the trailer zonked out of mind before Pineapple Express. It promised to be the lamest comedy this year, AND it starred Drake Bell, who I hate, AND it had a hilariously simplified title. So it seemed like the perfect night at the movies. Bad jokes=hearty laughs in my book.
So Anna and I traveled 35 minutes to some other town to see it, only to leave late and get lost on the way and then show up to the theater 25 minutes late, where the ticket lady didn't seem to know of the movie, and then upon realizing what we were seeing, managed to be as slow as possible, so Annz and I payed full price to see like an hour of the movie. And what a horrendous hour it was.
It's essentially a jokeless comedy, with Drake (looking hilariously past his prime, even though he's only like 20), some forgettable lispy nerd, and this awful fat kid (more on him later), who are high schoolers who go visit some generic college and have the weekend of their lives! Which basically means you just watch one long party montage throughout the whole movie, with frequent bouts of hazing organized by the frat jerks (who all look 30). Parties are fun to be in, but their not so fun to just watch for an hour. Basically the gags consist of the three characters just being drunk, and not even amusingly so; they just kind of stumble around and dance and romance with vacant female characters. Highlights include watching the high schoolers do tequila body shots off of this weird hairy guy call Bearcat (the fat kid drinks tequila out of his ass at one point), being forced to clean a shit filled toilet, the three friends going to a gay frat party where everyone has light up condoms on their dicks, and lots of gratuitous female nudity (which I guess I don't really mind, though it seems a lot more ridiculous in this one; there are constant scenes of women dancing around naked in cages making out with eachother and if that a'int college I don't know what is).
The acting in these movies doesn't have to be good, but the fat kid in particular is absolutely horrendous. He's a Jonah Hill wannabe, who possesses no comic timing, shouts all of his lines, and is given non-joke lines like "This is fuckin' lame!" or "Look at that pussy! Hot!" or some equally mindless comment devoid of any humor. You also see his ass multiple times, and he gets it on with this chick who looks, like everyone else in college, 30. Drake and the other kid are completely forgettable in every way, but the fat kid just leaves an obnoxous fart taste in your mouth.
And then the movie has the nerve to get all "real" and shit in the last 20 minutes, where the main characters friendships are tested in ways they never imagined and the empty shell dead-eyed personality-deficient love interest for Drake tells him about how she was basically raped by the frat house leader (though they never actually explicitly state this, which is odd considering the movie goes out of its way to be as over-the-top and edgy as possible). But the high schoolers get the last laugh by trashing the frat house and covering the main dickhead's room full of pig shit, and the move ends with the possibility of another crazy booze-filled weekend at another college! All in all, it's an awful movie. And it was, suprisingly, directed by a woman!
Yep, somehow a woman (named Deb Hagan and who I assume has absolutely no self-respect) directed this shit-fest. It's not like a woman shouldn't direct a more teen male-oriented movie; Kathryn Bigelow made Point Break, which is a total guy movie, and it rocks. But College specifically is so sexist; it's very much on par with recent National Lampoons movies. I've talked with freinds recently about the female characters in the recent string of the Judd Apatow team movies, and how they are given almost no jokes or any interesting aspects to their characters. Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Pineapple Express had particularly awful and boring women. But with College, it's even worse, and it was somehow directed by a fellow woman. In College, the women have big boobs, no brains, and are extremely easy to get with. I could see this being made by a lame sexist male director who doesn't care, but Deb Hagan is just continuing this annoying trend. Their aren't nearly enough female directors in the biz, and she sure isn't helping. She also appears to have no talent, as the movie is generally ugly and bland looking and sometimes confusingly edited.
Conclusion: The film College is exactly like actual college in every detail. Stellar work by cast and crew. Complex, demanding, insightful. Perfect. 10/10
I first got excited about College when I saw the trailer zonked out of mind before Pineapple Express. It promised to be the lamest comedy this year, AND it starred Drake Bell, who I hate, AND it had a hilariously simplified title. So it seemed like the perfect night at the movies. Bad jokes=hearty laughs in my book.
So Anna and I traveled 35 minutes to some other town to see it, only to leave late and get lost on the way and then show up to the theater 25 minutes late, where the ticket lady didn't seem to know of the movie, and then upon realizing what we were seeing, managed to be as slow as possible, so Annz and I payed full price to see like an hour of the movie. And what a horrendous hour it was.
It's essentially a jokeless comedy, with Drake (looking hilariously past his prime, even though he's only like 20), some forgettable lispy nerd, and this awful fat kid (more on him later), who are high schoolers who go visit some generic college and have the weekend of their lives! Which basically means you just watch one long party montage throughout the whole movie, with frequent bouts of hazing organized by the frat jerks (who all look 30). Parties are fun to be in, but their not so fun to just watch for an hour. Basically the gags consist of the three characters just being drunk, and not even amusingly so; they just kind of stumble around and dance and romance with vacant female characters. Highlights include watching the high schoolers do tequila body shots off of this weird hairy guy call Bearcat (the fat kid drinks tequila out of his ass at one point), being forced to clean a shit filled toilet, the three friends going to a gay frat party where everyone has light up condoms on their dicks, and lots of gratuitous female nudity (which I guess I don't really mind, though it seems a lot more ridiculous in this one; there are constant scenes of women dancing around naked in cages making out with eachother and if that a'int college I don't know what is).
The acting in these movies doesn't have to be good, but the fat kid in particular is absolutely horrendous. He's a Jonah Hill wannabe, who possesses no comic timing, shouts all of his lines, and is given non-joke lines like "This is fuckin' lame!" or "Look at that pussy! Hot!" or some equally mindless comment devoid of any humor. You also see his ass multiple times, and he gets it on with this chick who looks, like everyone else in college, 30. Drake and the other kid are completely forgettable in every way, but the fat kid just leaves an obnoxous fart taste in your mouth.
And then the movie has the nerve to get all "real" and shit in the last 20 minutes, where the main characters friendships are tested in ways they never imagined and the empty shell dead-eyed personality-deficient love interest for Drake tells him about how she was basically raped by the frat house leader (though they never actually explicitly state this, which is odd considering the movie goes out of its way to be as over-the-top and edgy as possible). But the high schoolers get the last laugh by trashing the frat house and covering the main dickhead's room full of pig shit, and the move ends with the possibility of another crazy booze-filled weekend at another college! All in all, it's an awful movie. And it was, suprisingly, directed by a woman!
Yep, somehow a woman (named Deb Hagan and who I assume has absolutely no self-respect) directed this shit-fest. It's not like a woman shouldn't direct a more teen male-oriented movie; Kathryn Bigelow made Point Break, which is a total guy movie, and it rocks. But College specifically is so sexist; it's very much on par with recent National Lampoons movies. I've talked with freinds recently about the female characters in the recent string of the Judd Apatow team movies, and how they are given almost no jokes or any interesting aspects to their characters. Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Pineapple Express had particularly awful and boring women. But with College, it's even worse, and it was somehow directed by a fellow woman. In College, the women have big boobs, no brains, and are extremely easy to get with. I could see this being made by a lame sexist male director who doesn't care, but Deb Hagan is just continuing this annoying trend. Their aren't nearly enough female directors in the biz, and she sure isn't helping. She also appears to have no talent, as the movie is generally ugly and bland looking and sometimes confusingly edited.
Conclusion: The film College is exactly like actual college in every detail. Stellar work by cast and crew. Complex, demanding, insightful. Perfect. 10/10
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hey, I think I'll start a blog!
Because I have not one original idea bone in my whole stupid body, I have decided to also make a blog, mere hours after my good friend Adrienne started hers (and from the first post, it looks to be as sassy and hilarious as she is in person). I remember the second she told me she was going to start blogging, I thought to myself "Hmm, I'm going to start blogging" and here I am blogging. It's all part of my plan to steal the spotlight from Adrienne every chance I get and make sure she succeeds in nothing, ever. I also plan to somehow win a prestigous scholarship she needs to stay in school (thus causing her to drop out of school), steal her first job out from under her meaty grasp, and buy up every apartment and house in the area to ensure that she has no where to live. I also plan to blackmail her for all of her money, and then send the scandalous photos to all her friends and family anyway. And then one day in the future, I'll walk down the street and see her on the sidewalk living in a box, and I'll throw a coin at her, except that it's really just a chocolate coin, and then I'll grab the chocolate back and eat it.
Anywho, apart from hatching said plan, today was relatively uneventful. Some lame class followed by some lame break time followed by some lame class followed by some lame homework. Overall a pretty lame and unspectacular day if there ever was one.
UConn's been fine, but I definetly don't see as many noticeable weirdos around like I did at Duquesne. For instance, at Duq, I used to see Native American Patrick Swayze (NAPS for short) around all the time! He always looked 40 (though I'm pretty sure he was a student), he always wore short gym shorts regardless of how cold it was out, and he always was the spitting image of Patrick Swayze, just Native American. All I see here is a lot of regular looking jerks. I do see these two girls frequently who are best friends and are always running and giggling and they both are basically the same person, right down to every feature. They both have big thick emo glasses and short blonde boy hair and they both wear quirky hot topic clothes like some ugly shirt and some hideous odd-colored pants and those bags you sling over one shoulder that hang like a purse but lower, and they have a lot of stupid pins and badges that say crap like "I want a vampire boyfriend!" or some bullshit. Anyway, hopefully that will change because I ache for another NAPS, or April Frank, or even the Female Empowerment Car. Here's hoping the pretentious kid in my math class strikes some gold.
Anywho, apart from hatching said plan, today was relatively uneventful. Some lame class followed by some lame break time followed by some lame class followed by some lame homework. Overall a pretty lame and unspectacular day if there ever was one.
UConn's been fine, but I definetly don't see as many noticeable weirdos around like I did at Duquesne. For instance, at Duq, I used to see Native American Patrick Swayze (NAPS for short) around all the time! He always looked 40 (though I'm pretty sure he was a student), he always wore short gym shorts regardless of how cold it was out, and he always was the spitting image of Patrick Swayze, just Native American. All I see here is a lot of regular looking jerks. I do see these two girls frequently who are best friends and are always running and giggling and they both are basically the same person, right down to every feature. They both have big thick emo glasses and short blonde boy hair and they both wear quirky hot topic clothes like some ugly shirt and some hideous odd-colored pants and those bags you sling over one shoulder that hang like a purse but lower, and they have a lot of stupid pins and badges that say crap like "I want a vampire boyfriend!" or some bullshit. Anyway, hopefully that will change because I ache for another NAPS, or April Frank, or even the Female Empowerment Car. Here's hoping the pretentious kid in my math class strikes some gold.
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